All of my friends already know this, but one of my favorite things to do is complain. When I don’t have a reasonable forum in which to do so, sometimes I shoehorn it into the lowest common denominator of the digital world, Craig’s List:
Cigarettes and unprotected sex
Reply to: pers-740492238@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-02, 2:34PM
If you happened to catch “Strawberry Shortcakes” (NY Asian Film Festival) last night, you probably know what I’m talking about. Alternatively, I could have also posted a Missed Connections for 127 minutes of my life.
Since I just moved here 3 months ago, I jumped at the possibility of an early week activity with a college friend (and it turns out, her boyf and only her boyf). So there I am, third wheeling a couple for a Japanese film with subtitles that was described as “the movie that SEX AND THE CITY should have been” and a “chick flick”. Better judgment be damned.
The movie starts off with a series of “day in the life” introductions of the main characters and immediately, I realize I’m fucked. Not only do I not know Japanese, but the primary characters are all waifish Japanese girls with long black hair. The fetishists in the audience were in heaven, while I sat, cursing the directors for not casting for some greater degree of variance.
Much like Sex and the City, the Japanese believe that women only come in 4 types. There is the depressed prostitute, the sweet good-willed free spirit, the tormented artist and sweet and pretty girl always seeking acceptance from men. There is kind of a fifth character, the tomboyish one that makes an awkward play at her platonic friend, but there was really very limited character development for this role. The sad fact of the matter is that they were all kind of skinny and attractive to that point that they all could have redrawn their roles out of a hat and it wouldn’t have been dramatically different.
Yadda yadda yadda, gratuitous sex scenes: 69, money shot, light bondage, unprotected sex, adult scenarios and a cigarette lit up at least every few minutes. Even a woman that knows she is pregnant lights up - irresponsible bitch. In the end sisterhood, an undying faith in intangible God and the realization that they don’t need men to be happy prevail.
Wow, what a load of shit. You fucking need us.
That is where I come in: 28, Asian, good athlete, well educated, well informed and shockingly good company despite misanthropic tendencies. I just moved here and need better things to do with my time than see shitty movies and write reviews/personal ads. I have to imagine that I’m reasonably attractive (mostly to the well dressed ESL honeybears that hang out in the East Village). Pretty open-ended as far as the situation I’m looking for - I’m not about to try to fit people into the societal understanding of where I should be at this time.
You: just be good at/care about something. Good sense of humor is highly utile, since the “you fucking need us” comment was in jest.
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/m4w/740492238.html
- WANTED: Attractive female can opener [2006-10-06]
- Monday at Noche, Asian girl with 3 guys - m4w [2005-05-17]
- SAM Seeks Bitchy SF [2005-04-19]
Tags: org_craigslist
A little trip down memory lane, for the purposes of full disclosure:
WANTED: Attractive female can opener
Reply to: job-216874424@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-06, 12:25PM
Our home card game has recently lost some intensity, so we are looking to improve the ambiance.
Naturally, the best way to solve this is to hire some spare hands and while we’re at it, add some eye-candy to the room.
You are:
- Interested in making $15-20/hour in cash for 4-6 hours per session (cash)
- Willing to wear something interesting of your choosing subject to our discretion
- Willing to enforce the Schmoopie rule (no more than 90 seconds on the phone per call)
- Bring us beer, mix basic drinks, meet the food delivery guy at the door
- Attractive and have a fun personality, though this is not an inner-beauty contest
- Bonus: you can juggle (blunt objects), have an intriguing accent of some sort and can persuade people to keep playing.
We are:
- Professional/graduate student types
- Laid back and respectful - none of us have ever played lacrosse for Duke nor have ever been arrested
- Not going to drool and/or stare at you in a creepy way nor degrade you in any way
If you are interested, you should:
- Respond with a picture
- Tell us when you can meet for a quick interview
- Give us an indication about when you are available, mostly during the week
Original URL: http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/etc/216874424.html
Tags: org_craigslist
Apparently, missed connections are all the rage…
Monday at Noche, Asian girl with 3 guys - m4w
Reply to: anon-73841405@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-17, 12:29PM
I was at Noche on Monday night after my friend’s graduation dinner. I don’t know why we insisted on drinking more, since we’d just spent the last 5 hours drinking. I guess it was becuase it was Monday night and it isn’t football season.
You walked in with three guys, none of which you seemed attached to. I was sitting there with 3 girls, that I can firmly say that I am not attached to. Every few drinks I urged, “Oh, c’mon, let’s do the 3v1 swap!” (3 guys, 1 girl - 1 guy, 3 girls) but my friends weren’t biting.
It’s funny how when they ask nicely, I have to pretend to be one of their boyfriends in order to ward off sketchy guys, but when I ask for a simple two phase, three way diversion, it’s like asking them to part the Red-motherfucking-Sea. Now I know why the A-Team was all dudes.
The only other alternative was for me to approach on my own, which like trying to board the boat on the Usual Suspects, would be ritual suicide.
Oh well, I doubt you’ll see this. Maybe we’ll cross paths another time in a more favorable situation. Either that or I’ll get a new team.
A response that (hopefully) proves that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
Wednesday not at Noche, three girls (1 Asian) no guys
We were sitting at home on a Wednesday afternoon, in a post graduation
stupor. We don’t know why we insisted on perousing Craig’s List since we
spent the last 4 years glued to computer screens. We guess it was because
it was a Wednesday afternoon, and we’re currently unemployed.
You wrote an email about yourself and three girls, whom you claim not to
be attached to. We are sitting here, three girls, and we can firmly say we
are not attached to one another.
It’s funny how when we ask nicely, we have to pretend to be each other’s
girlfriends in order to ward off sketchy guys, but when we try to write a
simple three way email, it’s like trying to part the
Red-motherfucking-Sea. Now we know why none of the Angels ever dated
Charlie.
Our only alternative was to pen this email, sadly with our names attached,
which is like ritual suicide.
Oh well, we’ll never meet you. Or maybe we cross paths all the time in
this the most/least favorable of situations. If someday you’re in the
market for a new team, perhaps we will apply.
Tags: org_craigslist
NOTE: I was never really desperate, just bored and feeling creative. Yeah, that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night…
SAM Seeks Bitchy SF
Original URL: http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/m4w/69086694.html
Posted by: anon-69086694@craigslist.org
Posted on: 2005-04-19, 12:14AM
This shouldn’t be that hard. I like bitchy girls, especially girls that think they’re too good for me - don’t worry, you’re not.
About me: I’m educated, very sharp, casts a wide yet discriminating net socially, reads a lot of random things, thinks a lot of random thoughts, does a lot of random things in an effort to constantly amuse myself. I’m reasonably well groomed, symmetrical, have no deformities and an athletic build.
About you: you’re a bitch because you’re really good at forming opinions, though you’re open to being corrected at a later date. You have no problems sitting in the park with a copy of the NY Times, making snide yet ideally clever remarks about people as they pass through the park.
Physically, I prefer slender girls that look good in pinstripes and wear heels to walk to the drugstore. Even more so, I prefer Asian girls - not because my parents would prefer it, not because I’m a Biblethumper, but because I think it is a phenomenal surprise when a stereotyped woman has a much bigger mouth than anybody expects.
Why I’m single, why I like bitchy girls: Most of the time when I see a girl I’m attracted to, it is usually in a sub-ideal situation to approach them (ie. they work retail/service, they’re walking down the street and I’m too sober to ‘holler’ at them). I like bitchy girls because nice is boring and I’ve got better things to do than to approach attractive girls only to find out that they’re sugar and spice and everything nice, love puppies and heart Jesus.
I will state however, that there are very few dealbreakers. There are redeeming qualities even if you do heart Jesus. I mean, puppies are damn cute. It’s an ideal week to fetch post-work drinks. I have a picture (actually, several upon request) for any reasonably intelligible responses, preference goes to girls that respond during the day when I’m trying to look busy at my desk.
If this fails, I’m going to just start hollering at girls in Rittenhouse.
Tags: org_craigslist
